Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Years Celebration The huge crowd in Times Square watched the ball drop as they counted down: “3…2…1…Happy adolescence!” they shouted at the naked teenager with newly descended testes. Practical Advice It’s never a good idea to leave your car running while you go into a store to grab something. Especially if that something is [...]
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Pondering Have you ever thought about how much work an ant does in one day? No? That’s probably because you have a job and I don’t. Aliens The aliens began to destroy the Earth, then a little boy slowly walked up to their ship and they paused. But all he did was sing a really [...]
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
If God hates masturbation so much, why does he keep watching people while they do it? Share:
Monday, December 20, 2010
I know ad men have it tough what with drinking scotch all day and cheating on their wives (I’m assuming it’s still like Mad Men?) but really, some of the slogans are pretty terrible and they become worse when you think about them. Here are some of my favorites: Outback Steakhouse “It’s Always Fresh in [...]
Friday, December 17, 2010
“Break a leg” The Victorian era was a rough time and nowhere more so than in the theater. Actors were often paid by the line so the lead actor with the most lines might as well have had a giant target painted on his back in the hopes that once he was eliminated another member [...]
Who’s my big boy? He’s been down a long time. Looks like someone wants some boob. He’ll just suck on anything that gets near his mouth. Is that a good noise or a bad noise? It’s fun, you can make him do anything. Last night was rough, I had to keep getting up and going [...]
I’ve been reading a lot of self help books lately* and I’ve noticed a couple books that need to be written**: Don’t Have Sex with Your Babysitter (and 50 More Tips for a Successful Marriage) Stop Crying and Pull Up Your Pants (and 50 More Tips to Get Dressed Quickly) Don’t Eat All the Cinnamon [...]
Friday, September 25, 2009
On a recent archaeological excavation in China or the Middle East I found a book of largely forgotten proverbs. Here are a few of them, maybe they were forgotten for a reason: A wise man makes wise plans but a foolish man is much more entertaining to watch. You can lead a horse. A rich [...]
Manicurist business names I’d like to see: Nailed ‘em Toe Up (From the Flo’ Up) Manny’s Petite Mani/Pedi The Fistfoot Way Pedi/File (or Podephile) Share:
As you can see in the picture below, I am clearly holding two friends: Share:
