Numbers are all around us. In fact, you’re probably using numbers right now. Don’t believe us? Fuck you, man, we ain’t gotta prove nothing to you. Sorry, that was uncalled for, it’s just we’re so excited about these goddamn numbers. And drunk. Anyway, here are five of the best numbers between 1 and 10.
1 was actually the first number to ever be used by mankind. For a long time it was the only number anyone ever knew, which is why it’s still called “the loneliest number” to this day. In fact, it was impossible for neanderthals to pick teams because they didn’t understand the concept of choosing more than person and that’s why they became extinct. Fortunately, our human ancestors were smarter and invented the number…
7. Read any page from the Old Testament and chances are there’s a number 7. Seven days of the week, seven…well, we can’t be bothered to look it up right now but we remember learning that 7 was very important. Why was it so important? Who knows. Someone might, but again, see the second sentence of this entry. What we do claim is that 7 was the second number ever invented, thus it’s importance.
12 isn’t technically between 1 and 10 but we had to include it here anyway because it’s so incredible. Try having a year without 12 months. Or a baker’s dozen minus one. It’s impossible without a twelve.
3 is universally recognized as the perfect number. Like a warm shot of whiskey it keeps things interesting without becoming too much. Also like a shot of whiskey you can double it, triple it or even quadruple it and wake up the next morning in a puddle of someone’s bodily fluids. Your blood? Your neighbor’s? Who knows. Is it blood? It’s red but it’s mushy. Oh God, what if it’s brains?! Who’s brains did we smash in last night?
Wait, it’s kind of sticky and tastes of strawberries. Phew, it’s probably just strawberry jelly. Unless it’s Strawberry Shortcake’s blood. But, no, just jelly. Hey, are we sleeping inside the refrigerator? How much did we drink last night? Ugh, Jesus, our head. Well, we’re never doing lists again, that’s for sure.