I’d like to thank all the members of the media that showed up today, there’s a lot more of you here than were at my previous press meeting regarding the persistent rumors that surrounded me. That’s nice of you all, but if you’re looking for a spectacle prepare to be disappointed. I am simply here today to explain several quotes from me that were taken out of context and spread all over by the media.
Let me start by explaining what I meant when I said “Hitler had some good ideas.” First of all, there weren’t supposed to be any recording devices in the room. That said, I was in the middle of a rousing game of “Axis and Allies”, a board game that takes place during World War 2, and I was playing the side of the Axis. In deliberating over strategy I said that Hitler had some good ideas regarding the avoidance of France’s Maginot Line. That also explains the other part of my quote which was taken out of context, the part where I said “I intend to do exactly as Hitler did.” I simply meant I would go around other countries to attack France. I believe I then said that “The blacks are in my way and must be eliminated.” This was in reference to the game pieces, which were in fact colored black. Some media outlets have also reported that I said “The Jews must be rounded up and executed.” I never said that, that’s just what I sound like when I sneeze.
As for the Nazi memorabilia found in my office, it’s not mine, I was just holding it for a friend. Which is not to say I’m friends with Nazis, just this one friend in particular happens to be a Nazi. And isn’t that part of our country’s great multi-cultural heritage? Some people have different skin color, other people don’t believe in Jesus and others think those people should be killed. In any event I was only wearing the Nazi uniform out of curiosity to see if it fit. And yes, I test out the fit of all my uniforms by doing what appears to be a Nazi salute and yes I happen to have been facing a portrait of Hitler that I happen to have drawn myself but it could have happened to anybody, it doesn’t mean I’m a closet Nazi.
Thank you very much, if you have any more questions please email them to me at ClosetNazi666@aol.com. Vote Quimby.
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