Morpheus put one pill in each hand and held them out to Neo. “This is your last chance.” He began, “After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up and believe…whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill…you stay in wonderland and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.”
Neo reached forward to grab the red pill.
“Wait.” Said Morpheus. “I’m not finished.”
Morpheus reached into his pocket and took out two more pills. He held them up, one at a time. “You take the yellow pill, you will trip balls. I’m serious, it’s craaazy. You take the green pill, you will just throw up for like an hour. Honestly I’m not even sure why I hold onto it.”
Neo again reached toward the red pill.
“Continue to wait.” said Morpheus. He pulled out a briefcase and opened it to reveal row upon row of pills nestled into individual grooves. Morpheus pointed at each one in turn.
“Now this pink pill will relieve your cough and cold. But be warned. Only for up to four hours. This orange pill is just a placebo, it doesn’t really do anything. The black pill is licorice. The white pill is just a rolled up piece of paper, I didn’t have enough pills to fill all the grooves. The magenta pill–”
Neo interrupted, “I’m ready to take the red pill.”
“But you haven’t even seen this little light blue pill that gives you a four hour erection.”
Neo paused. “Why would I need a four hour erection?”
Morpheus shrugged. “I don’t know. Four hours of sex?”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that. Actually, do you just have some weed?” Neo asked.
“In a pill?” Morpheus asked.
“No.” Neo said, “What is it with you and pills? I think you have a serious problem. Look at yourself. You’re dressed in black, living in this abandoned building with a briefcase full of pills. You need help, man. I don’t even know if I want to go down the rabbit hole with you now. Wait a second, is that a euphemism?”
Morpheus lowered his head and didn’t answer.
“Oh, gross, seriously? You were going to drug me and then try to get me to explore your ‘rabbit hole’? Forget it, I don’t want any of your pills. Just give me that novelty collectible spoon you promised me to get me to come here.” Neo held out his hand.
Morpheus stared at him, wordlessly.
Neo lowered his hand and narrowed his eyes. “You son of a bitch. There is no spoon is there?”
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